Remember when you started dating your spouse/significant other?
Those were the times when everything he or she did made you smile. You
were thrilled when the phone rang, ecstatic when you heard the doorbell
announcing his or her arrival, euphoric to receive a kiss. You felt
"butterflies" whenever your loved one was around. Life was good.
Over time, your relationship becomes comfortable. You still have the same feelings for your loved one but you don't feel the need to go out of your way like you used to. Maybe you stop doing the little things you used to do because your partner also stopped the surprises that added variety and spice to your relationship.
Now you find the habits that you initially found so endearing about your partner have become annoying. You get irritated easily and you don't hug or touch each other as often as you used to. What do you do now that the butterflies are flying in formation?
Add gratitude. If you are not already keeping a gratitude journal, start one immediately. Simply write down 3 to 5 things every day for which you are grateful. As you begin to focus on appreciation, chances are good your loved one will notice. As your gratitude muscle grows stronger, look for specific reasons to thank your spouse. Did you come home from a hard day at work and find dinner waiting for you? Say "Thank you." You may be thinking, "But Lisa, my spouse makes dinner for me all the time. Are you saying I have to be thankful every single time?" The simple answer is, "Yes."
I started keeping my gratitude Journal in 2009. I never told my husband that I was keeping it. Not that it was any big deal; I just didn't feel the need to share that with him. Several weeks into my practice, I noticed that Scott was being more verbally appreciative to me. He started thanking me for cleaning up the kitchen, making dinner or getting caught up on laundry. I started acknowledging him for the beautiful job he does taking care of our lawn and his mastery on the grill. (He's known as the 'grill master' for a reason.) We've been married for 16 years and the simple act of being grateful for all the little things has made a huge difference in the quality of our relationship.
If expressing your thankfulness to your partner has not been something that you have been doing on a regular basis, your loved one may initially question your motives. Keep it up anyway. Let him or her know that you have not been good at expressing your appreciation and you're making a commitment to be thankful more often. Start by letting them know specifically what it is about them and about your relationship that you appreciate. If you want really great results, put it in writing.
Over time, your relationship becomes comfortable. You still have the same feelings for your loved one but you don't feel the need to go out of your way like you used to. Maybe you stop doing the little things you used to do because your partner also stopped the surprises that added variety and spice to your relationship.
Now you find the habits that you initially found so endearing about your partner have become annoying. You get irritated easily and you don't hug or touch each other as often as you used to. What do you do now that the butterflies are flying in formation?
Add gratitude. If you are not already keeping a gratitude journal, start one immediately. Simply write down 3 to 5 things every day for which you are grateful. As you begin to focus on appreciation, chances are good your loved one will notice. As your gratitude muscle grows stronger, look for specific reasons to thank your spouse. Did you come home from a hard day at work and find dinner waiting for you? Say "Thank you." You may be thinking, "But Lisa, my spouse makes dinner for me all the time. Are you saying I have to be thankful every single time?" The simple answer is, "Yes."
I started keeping my gratitude Journal in 2009. I never told my husband that I was keeping it. Not that it was any big deal; I just didn't feel the need to share that with him. Several weeks into my practice, I noticed that Scott was being more verbally appreciative to me. He started thanking me for cleaning up the kitchen, making dinner or getting caught up on laundry. I started acknowledging him for the beautiful job he does taking care of our lawn and his mastery on the grill. (He's known as the 'grill master' for a reason.) We've been married for 16 years and the simple act of being grateful for all the little things has made a huge difference in the quality of our relationship.
If expressing your thankfulness to your partner has not been something that you have been doing on a regular basis, your loved one may initially question your motives. Keep it up anyway. Let him or her know that you have not been good at expressing your appreciation and you're making a commitment to be thankful more often. Start by letting them know specifically what it is about them and about your relationship that you appreciate. If you want really great results, put it in writing.
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